By Rebecca Littlehales
Darkwing
Duck
By Rebecca Littlehales
Act I
'Twas the day before Christmas. More specifically, 'twas 11:15 a.m., the morning before Christmas. Launchpad was holding the ladder that Drake was standing on as he put up many a strand of lights on the outside of the house. "Steady, LP... Steady..." he said carefully as he leaned over the side of the ladder to attach one last part on the edge of the house.
"It's a MAAAAADHOUSE!" yelled Drake, standing in one of the few spots in the shopping center that wasn't overcrowded. Launchpad, Gosalyn, and Honker stood around him, sticking together to keep from getting lost. "Boy, I can't believe how many people were lazy enough to put this off until the last moment!"
"No problemo, DW!" said Launchpad, looking up at him. The ladder was shaking just a tad, but Launchpad had a good handle on it.
Honker came up the walk and approached him cautiously. "Um, good morning Launchpad."
Launchpad turned and favoured him with a big friendly grin. "Hey, Honkman! Merry Christmas Eve! Hey, DW," he called up to Drake, "Honker's here!"
"Yeah, great, hi Honker," Drake called down. Tensely, he repeated, "Now could you please hold the ladder steady, LP?"
"You got it!" said Launchpad, and saluted. He managed to grab the ladder again before it did much more than wobble once or twice. Drake mumbled something unintelligible and glared at him for a moment before carefully turning back to the roof.
"Um, is it really safe for him to be up there?" asked Honker, his brow furrowed.
"Aw, yeah, don't worry! He does this all the time! He's got a great sense of balance!" said Launchpad. He took a hand off of the ladder and patted Honker on the back reassuringly. The ladder started shaking violently. Drake cried out, dropped the strand of lights, and clung to the ladder. This action caused it to shake more, and even though Launchpad quickly grabbed it again, Drake had lost his footing on it and was hanging from a rung in less than a second.
Honker gasped, not sure whether to help steady the ladder or duck in case something larger- specifically, Drake himself- fell. Launchpad held the ladder very, very steady until Drake managed to get one foot back onto the ladder, and then the other. He breathed a sigh of relief, then glared down at them. "Honker, I think you'd better go inside. Launchpad, hold on to the ladder, I'm coming down."
"How come, DW? You're not done yet, are you?"
Drake spoke as he made his way down. "No, I'm not. But I need to get that string of lights that I dropped." He stepped off, and picked up an extra string from the box near him. "And before I do that," he said, "I'm going to do this." With that, he tied it around Launchpad's hands, firmly anchoring them to the ladder. "Honker, go in," he repeated.
"Yes, sir." Honker nodded obediently and went for the door.
"And check on Gos while you're in there," said Drake. "I tried to booby-trap the place, but she has a tendency to get into trouble even when there's no way she could."
"That's for sure," Honker said, half to himself, as he opened the door. He stood watching for another moment as Drake reascended the ladder, then shook his head and went inside. He sure hoped nothing bad came of this... Mr. Mallard may have been a good superhero, but even Honker's father knew his way around the average suburban rooftop better.
When he entered the living room, Honker wasn't especially surprised to find himself alone. Gosalyn always got a little overeager on Christmas Eve; there was a good chance that she was present-hunting at the moment. Out of a stronger desire for company than for gifts, he called "Gosalyn?"
He was startled when her voice answered from somewhere in the room. "That you, Honk? Is Dad still out there hanging from the rain gutters?"
Honker looked around the room, puzzled. She sounded like she was right in front of him, but there was no sign of her! "Um... yeah... He looks like he's gonna fall any minute now."
"I keep telling him, a large percentage of deaths occur in the home," sighed Gosalyn's voice.
He glanced briefly at the pile of presents next to the Christmas tree, and in a flash he identified the source. "Gosalyn...? Are you... um... in the presents?"
"I just... like the feel of them," sighed Gosalyn as she reluctantly climbed out of the pile. "Anyway, there's no use worrying about Dad now. He's not going to give up until he's satisfied that his decorations can out-do the ones from your family, Honk."
Honker was a little shocked; his father took a no-holds-barred approach to holiday decorating, subscribing to the opinion that more lights equaled more festive holiday joy. Year after year, Honker managed to not mention how the amount of lights on the outside of the house kept him awake nights. "Trying to out-do my dad's decorations?" he sputtered. "Um... Gosalyn, has he seen them this year?"
Gosalyn nodded solemnly. "Yep. Last night he said something about how Darkwing Duck was a master of decorative drama, and that he was going to win the neighbourhood lights contest."
"But-"
"I know, Honk, but try telling him that!" Gosalyn shrugged. "Like I said, there's no point in arguing now... he's got his heart set on winning and only losing is going to convince him otherwise."
From the window, Honker could see a huge box of Christmas lights sitting on the lawn. He realized that Drake was going to be pushing the limits of good taste every bit as far as his father did... maybe even farther. "Is he really going to use all of those?"
"That's the plan," said Gosalyn, nodding.
"Gee. Maybe he'll win after all. I'd hate to see the electric bill, though."
Gosalyn grinned. "Hey, for once, it wouldn't be my fault!" She flopped onto the couch and turned on the TV. "So, Honk, what's up?"
"Um, nothing really," said Honker, as he took a seat next to her. "Mom's cooking and Dad's decorating the tree, so I thought I'd better get out of the house."
"No one to occupy Tank's attention, huh?" Honker nodded, and Gosalyn gave him a sympathetic pat on his shoulder. "Well, you're always welcome here, Honk! If you need something to do, you can come with us when we go to the mall!"
"Your dad's going to the mall today? Isn't that a little... uh... hectic?"
Gosalyn rolled her eyes at the thought of her father's carelessness. "Yeah, but he never finishes his shopping on time. Then he always says 'I'm sure everyone else will have finished by now, and the mall will be fine!' You'd think after last year he'd have learned, but he's kind of dumb that way."
The door opened then, and Drake limped in. "Gee, I'm sorry, DW," said Launchpad, coming in behind him. "I really did try to hold the ladder steady, but the newspaper hit me in the back of the head, and--"
"Let's just forget it, LP," said Drake through gritted teeth. "We'll finish decorating later. Why don't we try something safer now, like facing the galloping hordes of last-minute shoppers at the mall?"
Gosalyn bounced up from her seat. "You call that safer, Dad?"
Drake sighed with exasperation. "Oh, come on, Gosalyn. I was joking. I'm sure that this year, most people will have all their shopping done by now! The mall will be fine."
"Well put, Dad," said Gosalyn sarcastically.
Realizing what he had said, Drake sputtered for a moment before replying, "W-well, I mean, I guess a few people might have simply had too much to do up until now, or... something- anyway, that's not what I meant!"
Gosalyn shook her head, smiling. "Whatever..."
Drake very unsubtly ignored his daughter. "So, fellow shoppers, where should we head?"
"Well-" Honker began.
"Toy store!" yelled Gosalyn.
"There's no need for us to go to the toy store, Gos," said Drake.
Gosalyn deflated. "There's not?"
Launchpad did the same. "But, DW... Isn't there maybe somethin' we might wanna look at there?"
"No! Any and all shopping that might have needed to be based
in a toy store is done with now!"
Honker spoke again. "I thought-"
"Okay, sporting goods store, then."
Drake gave a loud sigh. "Gosalyn, we're not going any place that's going to be that crowded!"
Edging closer to his friends as the shoppers pushed their way past him, Launchpad said, "Whatever we do, can we get outta the center of the mall first?"
Maybe-"
"I think Launchpad's right, Dad. I'm getting stepped on."
"Launchpad does have a point," said Drake. "All together, let's go over to that bench and talk this over." Honker sighed quietly and waited for another break in the conversation.
After plopping herself onto the bench, Gosalyn said, "So, toy store now, right?"
"Nice try." Drake looked amused, and ruffled his daughter's hair.
"You guys-"
Obviously not hearing him, Drake continued, "I was thinking-"
"Dad!" Gosalyn had on an indignant expression. "Honker was trying to say something, and you cut him off!" She patted Honker's shoulder. "Go ahead, Honk."
Honker smiled; she may have been in her own little world, but at least it was an entertaining one. "I'd like to go to the Learnatorium, please, Mr. Mallard. It has some educational toys, as well as some really nice microscopes."
Drake's impatience at being interrupted evaporated. "Educational, eh? Sounds good! Then I need to go someplace where I can find a tie tack and socks. Anybody else need anything?"
Gosalyn was busy pouting. "Educational toys? That's a contradiction!"
"I gotta pick up some goggles, DW," said Launchpad. "But I can get those in any flight supplies store, so it won't be too hard."
"Uh... right, LP."
With that, the four set off for the Learnatorium, keeping an eye out for a flight supplies store just in case.
The display windows of the store were filled with science games, telescopes, and glow-in-the-dark planets. Drake looked impressed. "Hey! I just might have to do next year's shopping for you here, Gos!" he said.
Scowling, Gosalyn retorted, "Ha. Ha. That's a cruel joke, Dad. This place looks like it doesn't know the meaning of the word 'fun'." She looked at the shelves as they walked in, noting the abundance of "Do-it-yourself" kits and brainteaser puzzles. "I bet this place doesn't even have Whiffle Boy." Turning to Honker, her sarcasm was detained as she noticed the way his face was lit up. She smiled quietly; if he liked the place, it couldn't have been all bad. But it sure wasn't her style!
"Wow! They have the latest 100x power microscope, Gosalyn! This is just what I want for Christmas! I told my Mom and Dad that I wanted it, but I'm not sure if they knew I meant this one. I hope so, though, because this one has a better lamp than any of the others in its line!"
Gosalyn wasn't sure when she remembered hearing Honker say so much in one sentence. She looked around for her father and saw him peering at the Math & Science CD-Roms. Oh, no! Anything but that! she prayed silently, and let out a breath of air as he turned away from them and started looking at a rack of test tubes. At least it was better than learning... With a chemistry set she could maybe blow something up. She spotted Launchpad across the store, working intently on a Rubik's Cube. He looked utterly mystified by it.
When she turned back to Honker, he was no longer there. "Honk? Where'd you go?"
"Over here!" he called, and she saw him waving from another aisle. "Look at this!"
Certain that it was nothing she had any real interest in seeing, she joined him. "What is it? One of those books about stuff you can't see without a really big telescope?"
"No, it's a kit!" He held a box out to her, smiling cautiously. "I, um, thought you might like it. It's a kit to make your own volcano."
"Keen gear!" Gosalyn cried, grabbing the kit. Looking it over, she found that it even came with the exact ingredients to make the volcano erupt. So there was something in this store that could interest her!
As if picking up on her thoughts, Honker said, "See, Gosalyn? Sometimes science can be fun."
Gosalyn nodded. "Yeah, this is great! I can be a Volcano God and demand sacrifices! Wait here, I'll be right back." With that, she ran off to find her father.
Drake, meanwhile, was trying to be patient with Launchpad. "No, LP, turn it to the left. No, your other left!! Okay, now twist the middle a little and you should have a side."
Launchpad followed Drake's instructions. "Hey, you're right, DW! It is a side! But, uh, aren't all the colours supposed to be the same?"
Drake ground his teeth together. "ARGH!!! Who makes these things!? Nobody can do them anyway! Come on, LP, just get a yo-yo."
"Dad! Look what Honker showed me!" Gosalyn ran up, waving the volcano kit. "Can I get this?"
"Oh, I don't know, Gosalyn," said Drake, looking at the price tag. "It's awfully expensive."
Gosalyn pouted. "But I need it! It's educational!! Daaaaa-aaaad, come on!"
This succeeded only in getting Drake to put his stern face on. "And when has whining ever convinced me, little Missy? Definitely not now." He took her by the hand and returned the box to its place on the shelf. "I think we've spent enough time here. Where's Honker?"
Gosalyn looked around. "That's funny... I left him in this aisle."
"There he is, at the counter." Launchpad pointed to where Honker was just grabbing his bag and receipt.
"Let's get going," said Drake. They met Honker on their way out of the store.
"He said I couldn't get it," Gosalyn muttered to Honker.
"Oh... um, that's too bad. But, don't worry. Maybe Santa Claus will get it for you," Honker said.
Gosalyn eyed the bag he held tightly. "So, what'd you get?"
Honker held it closer to himself. "Um, well, I - um - had to get some stuff. For Tank. Mostly."
He was such a bad liar. Gosalyn smiled. "Well, that's cool. I don't know what Tank would like from there, though. Hey, Dad, now can we go to the toy store?"
Drake sighed. "Gosalyn, we have a bunch of other places to go! Besides, that place was full of toys!"
"I mean real toys, Dad."
Launchpad said, "I can take Gos and Honker, DW. I've got all my shopping done already anyway."
"Great, thanks, LP. I'll meet you at the store then." He waved to them as he departed from the group. Then, after making sure that they couldn't see where he was headed, he ducked back into the Learnatorium for a few last-minute gift purchases.
